So I realize that it's been a very long time since my last post.  What can I say?  Life happened.

The good news is that it turns out that my mother did not experience a heart attack.  Her angiogram showed no sign of damage or any current blockages.  They suspect that she had a very severe anxiety attack.  I'm a little frustrated that her regular doctor has not been receptive to helping her with these.  She took my mother off of her original antidepressant because she suspected it was causing the tremors my mother had in her hands.  Unfortunately, the current antidepressant is not helping.  At all.  My mother has not been herself since she switched her medication.

Although the cardiologist cleared my mother, her regular doctor is insisting that she have another stress test done.  Honestly, I'm fairly certain that it is this doctor that caused my mother to think she was having a heart attack in the first place.  My mom has never experienced heart problems and though she fits the description of someone who *should* have problems, there was no data to support a diagnosis.  Why does she keep insisting that my mother has a heart problem?  And, why doesn't she help her with the anxiety attacks?  My mother has had so many of these in the past year and she needs the help!!!

Bad news - ND suffered a major seizure on January 8th.  It lasted well over 30 minutes and he did not come out of it on his own.  Robert had to rush him to the emergency vet, where they had to push Valium into an IV to bring him out of it.  I had made the decision that it was time to end his suffering, but Robert disagreed, so now we are treating him with an additional medication and have increased his original meds.  Our day is now planned around an 8 hour dose schedule of one med and a 12 hour dose schedule of the second one.

Although I am grateful to have more time with my furbaby, I still do not believe we have acted in his best interest.  He's not the same dog.  He may still be adapting to the increased medication, but he just doesn't look comfortable.  It's so hard to watch the mental confusion and physical disability without my heart dropping.  I just hope that Robert and I can agree if we are faced with a similar situation.

I also have to admit that I am extremely angry with him for not only putting ND through this, but subjecting me to this pain as well.  I'm trying to work through the feelings, but the anger is lingering.  I'm starting to think I may not be able to overcome this hurdle on my own.

I feel like I need a major project to work on at home.  Unfortunately, money is limited, so that probably won't happen until we can afford to do something.  I just need something to take my mind off of work and off of everything else at home.  Hopefully, I can find something after Rob starts working in a few weeks.  I actually think the "therapy" will do wonders for me!